in all retrospect though, i do have issues.. i just didn't feel like the rest of the world needed to know.. however, in my post-workout high and the surfacing of some distressing news i feel like a need to vent..
ahem.
-been trying to figure out what i want to do in the future. i haven't fully decided on what i want to do or become. i was so dead set on going to and graduating from college that i didn't know how hindered i was from achieving my goals of going into criminalistics. having a degree in chem didn't help me at all since i still need more background on crim and bio classes, IF i want to go CSULA, or have a better GPA and more LOR for UCDavis.. my two top choices for forensics grad school. MUCH fail in my part. also, trying to get into community colleges for classes is near impossible. the non-credited students are last to sign up and by the time sign up times roll around, there are no room in the classes. granted, i wasn't very actively looking up the schedules and schools, this in entirety just brings me down... and my mom has been keeping checks on my inactivity. my GRE testing has been the excuse to keep chillin' around the house but since that's all done, i have nothing else to keep her distracted. in the end, i think i'll just go for a masters in chem since getting in to a school would be way easier... time to brush up on my chem terminologies and blow the dust off my text books...
-a really really close friend of mine died. DIED. as in no longer here. no longer would he call me to discuss the newest video games, nor would he get excited about attending the yearly anime expo or complain about how school sucks.. no longer would i be able to tell myself that he'll sick around for the rest of my life.. the news was too shocking to me that i couldn't even cry. no words could form a sentence. the first thing i did was to call our mutually close friend, who could barely answer the phone because she was crying so hard.. it hit me then, but still.. i couldn't bring myself to believe it. i had to then tell our other best friend. us three and him had known each other since junior high, them three since elementary school. they're all family friends and his name has been a household familiarity. i told my parents after a couple of days. even them, thousands of miles away, were shocked beyond beliefs. how could a bright young man, who had so much potential, who was so right on his track and had been the topic of our conversation, could just up and pass away? they asked.. i had a call from S.I. who heard the news through some of our mutual friends called me sounding rather worried. from then on, i knew that at least 7 of us from high school have gotten the news. i'm still scared as hell to call the last of our friend from our clique to tell him the bad news if he hasn't heard it yet. it's still so damn unreal. he and i used to talk on the phone at least every week.. i went to go visit him up in berkeley two months ago. we met up during new years. my best fried saw him earlier on new years. he was here just one short month ago.. how does this happen? just.. HOW.. and WHY.
-despite the tragedy, i still decided to go to las vegas with my former roommates. the trip had been planned since our days in college and it just had to be done. i was not in the mood most of the time, but it was for my friends' birthdays. and for a bit, i wanted to forget that anything bad had happened. it was fun, no lies. i got to do a lot of things any girl my age should do in vegas, and i didn't get arrested like my mother predicted.. but, now i'm back here at home, in my living room, in front of the computer as i had been before i had left on the trip..
-i had a job interview on friday morning. i thought i did pretty well on the job interview, but who knows. i really hope they'll call me at least to reject me and dash my hope for reals instead of having me walk on eggshells all day long.
-i should probably erase my profile on okcupid!. online dating just seems like crap and i always end up with some creeper who i don't feel like is a good match for me or dating. either that or i have been fucking traumatized from dating forever. also, i'm too fucking lazy to actually put up with guys who are just trying to butter me up for short-term relationship and i'm not into that.
so, fuck you, men....
-just how much do i have to work out to get my college weight off? my sister and i have been hitting the gym everyday (except for the vegas weekend) for the past like, 2 and a half week and it seems like i gained more weight. i know you gain muscle mass and blah blah blah the first time, but i really wish i can see better results. i cut out sweets, eat way better, and i actually get off my ass to go to the gym. c'mon you stupid fat cells. break off and matabolize!
i.. think that's it. pandora's playing some Ghost in the Shell songs.. the first one was Rise and now Inner Universe? thank you pandora. i updated the OS on my phone to its most updated system, and now i can utilize youtube and pandora on my dinky blackberry pearl 8100.. the wonders of technology.
the reason i'm mentioning those songs at all is because it was pretty nostalgic. the jerk liked GitS and the opening songs. thanks for ruining my interest in the series and songs btw. it took a fucking year to start listening to this again. anyways, i need to sleep.
just cus i mention him doesn't mean anything. it was just cus i still have memories intact i guess. it MEANS NOTHING.
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