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it's discouraging when in midst of positive vibes my brain hijacks my dreams to show memories i'm trying to repress. and it was vivid enough for me to wake up think it was, for a moment, something real.
this is, how to put it.. very fucking lame. i don't need self sabotage kthxbai.
..then i go on my own trying to circumvent the limitations of social media to unsuccessfully but almost too obsessively stalk them until i can reel myself back out of that hell hole. i don't enjoy that pang in my chest everytime i come across any little relevant postings.
i really don't.
i've gotten over T in sense i don't go seeking out updates, but be burdened by my own feelings. in terms of SOMEONE else, he keeps making his presence known.
edit: yeah, don't answer that. i'm the crazy one going back and forth on a matter that has already been laid out straight. having feelings is a debilitating disease.
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have some issues regarding future housing. don't know if i can continue to commute to school only for the sake of having a stable home with family. i've been wanting to move out for ages, but i'm lugging around half of mom's stuff she hasn't taken back to korea. granted, it's all the stuff i am also using, but i don't know if i'd have the finance to live closer to school. westside is too expensive for me to live alone, and knowing that G has also been accepted to her program here i was pretty set on being roomates (if it came down to it). buuuut aunt and cousin believe i may be burdened by issues in her life. uh.. i just want someone to share internet and rent with. yes, it's not undergrad anymore, and we've "grown up" with different experience since then, but will that be that much of a problem? she and i get along fine, and i mostly keep to myself.
ughhh life decisions.
i can't adult.
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