where is my nino quincampoix?

watched amelie for the.. who knows how many times it's been now. it's always good for background noise since the soundtrack is amazing, and i can't understand french to save my life. finished my UNLV and UCSF application while intermittently glancing at the second monitor.

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when Henry died, J and S and I stood around his burial site all in shock and anger and sadness what have you and made a promise that none of us will off ourselves the way he did. we never did take suicides lightly after that.. but sometimes i still get the sense that i may be next. might not be able to withstand the personal faults and just careen off the overpass on the freeway one day.

i could just go back to SH but i wonder if i got the pain tolerance for that.

*sigh*

i'm okay.. i'm okay. it'll pass.