interlude.

had a talk about the future direction with the boss-man. he emphasized drastic improvements on the numbers, and lots of sacrifices. understandable; just increase in pressure. it's hard when i have to interact with a lot of others who seem to have all of their shit together.

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it seems to be a point of amusement of several people who got a peek of my phone's.. daily reminder to myself. it was out of necessity, and i don't see myself changing the reminder anytime soon.

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time does do wonders.. i don't feel the empty longings, as much. i can allow the days to go on, with much distractions. 

it'll take a bit more. it sucks, knowing i was into it way more, invested harder, and didn't get the results i envision. 

still, after all this time? 

yeah. i have misplaced attachments.

Two Door Cinema Club – Changing Of The Seasons 

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grandma's not doing well. looks like she's nearing the final stages of Alzheimer's, at least physically. mom and aunt are trying to hold it together, but i can tell that they're having a hard time coming to terms with losing her, and eventually grandpa too. it's strange, or i am strange actually, to not have such.. strong feelings. i've been having hard time empathizing more and more as i get older. i "know" i love my grandparents, but somehow i don't feel that overwhelming affection most people have towards their grandparents... i cry watching people die on film, but at the prospect of having my grandparents die in the next year or two... i don't feel enough. 

i know i have a defense mechanism of avoiding things when i get stressed or depressed. is this one of the times? when i tune out mom and aunt when they tell me how bad it's gotten for grandma and grandpa...?

i have issues with them of my own, which i have hard time justifying. it's extremely selfish, and i always feel like a terrible person for harboring feelings the way i do.   

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i think i watched pitch perfect about 4 times this week alone. i like to have the tv on as a background noise since i don't like to be alone in silence, but this was aca-crazy, hah. 

acapella.. *sigh* as if i needed another thing to remind me shit.