mom's left to go back to korea, and at 27 (soon to be 28) years old i cried like i did the first time i separated with her. 

i hate that i'm still the leakiest faucet at the slightest provocation. whether i'm angry, or upset, or just plain frustrated, it's water works. and being the way i am right now, it's happening at the drop of a hat. 

wake up and remember the dream from last night: tear up

step out the door and mom says have a good day: tear up

feeling overwhelmed with workload and boss gives me shit: cry in the bathroom for half an hour. 

sappy music comes on ipod/radio during commute: fight back until i get back home

watching mom wheel her bags out to my brother's car for her flight: lose it

marathon scrubs to get my mind off everything else: cry over every fucking episode at every scene, sad or not.  

...

i'm going nuts. i know i'm getting better, and getting over it, but all of a sudden i'm remember things here and there i'm beginning to lose my shit. when i met up with G, i had to play catch up and relive every last detail i had tried to forget. every. little. thing. feelings be damned. remembering saying how both of us don't want this to be a fling... and here we are, at least here i am.. too scared to even fucking check my okcupid account. 

last sunday, i drank more than i should've and actually tried calling him. of course he doesn't pick up. 

why can't he just allow me to be a miserable shit who's too hung up on someone who doesn't give a crap.