gonna be bouldering and drinking later, so i guess i'll ponder now while the bossman is MIA.

i've been poring over the reddit's relationship sub for days now. well, technically i've been reading shit off that subreddit for months now because i believe myself to be way too socially dysfunctional for normal relationships, and i've only been lurking since i cannot bring myself to make an account; it's too dangerous lol. but i digress; basically, i'm reading complete strangers' accounts of their relationships and such to hopefully gain insight to my own lack of at the moment. i think i hit the jackpot this morning though.

account #1

account #2

so.. what do these mean to me? frankly, who knows. i just wanted some anecdotes, maybe opinions, or some slap of reality to the face telling me to suck it up and deal with it. but not directly to me /hahawhut.

best way to see it is chalk it up to life experience, enjoy the good memories because they were.. there were no fights or arguments. nothing to be disgruntled about. however, maybe that's the reason it hurts more because i can't be angry about it? with the cheating ex, i was devastated, hurt, pissed off, and down right raging for years. my friends saw probably the worst side of me that i've finally learned to hide. letting out my disappointment with rage was easier though. yelling, crying, just drunken explosions exhaust the emotions until there is none left over. learning to accept that circumstances are terrible, and not getting answers i want to hear.. ugh. how do you kill the would have, could have, should have's?