so somehow i found myself registered to a free online dating site.. before you guys start judging me, let me just say i didn't know it was a dating site! i thought it was make/take online quizzes thing... i didn't realize i was even on it until i realized the spam mails i've been getting from them seemed a bit strange..

i mean, i've always been pretty curious to see how people outside my circle of friends have kinda perceived.. and i've been joking with couple of my friends of wanting to try it.. granted i've been making fun of those damn eharmony and match.com commercials all these time and now i'm on a site similar to it. GROSS. i feel like i need a good scrubbing down with a fucking pumice stone.

and guys.. wtf. i haven't been on a date in like forever. i know i don't make an effort, but i'm not the one to go to a club/bar and be like "what's up doc, wanna hook up?" ya know? i don't have the guts for that kind of stuff..

but tk, don't you know the internet is full of pedophiles who are preying on unsuspecting people and not to mention it's the internet! the person on the other end could be a motherfucking rapist psycho killer who lives in his mother's basement!!

um.. i'm now 23, so pedophiles won't have any interest in me. also, i'm still kinda bumming off the parental units too.

but i do realize that people are kinda creepy online and i can be expected to meet some weird ass people.. and i have chatted with some weirdos already.

WTF.

even if i meet/chat with people who share a lot of the same interests with me, i end up feeling kinda awkward cus they're not how i'd imagine them to be. i'm sure i shouldn't judge people on their looks cus i'm not great looking myself, but still! it kinda sucks since i'm comparing everyone to my last ex.. all of sudden i have this higher expectation out of everyone! from my first to my last ex there's huge difference cus my first was a football player from high school who wasn't exactly brad pitt, then my last was pretty good looking (but still a jerk!).

i'm just kinda high strung cus my cousins and i are all around the age where we should start thinking about getting independent and ya know, become an adult, get married, start a family blah blah... it seems like a huge competition to see who comes home with the best contender. not to mention that just about EVERYONE has been asking me whether or not i'm in the line to walk down the aisle yet. just this sunday, the pastor at my church asked if i was dating anyone, to which i told him "HELL NO!" ... well not the exact words cus he'd chastise me for being blasphemous.. so then i turned to my cousin and asked,

"why do everyone all assume i'm dating someone?"

"because you're a pretty (why thank you cousin. you're too much) 23 years old girl. you're of dating age and blah blah.."

then she went on to joke with the pastor to find a nice, christian korean boy for me..

ahhhh.. i'm beginning to find all these a little annoying.

yes, i think being in a relationship right now would be great, and i do miss it, but i'm too picky (whine whine whine) and to find anyone who'd list me as their type is like.. 1 to three billion. besides, i think i'd rather get my shit together before i decide to even settle down, even if my domestic skills are pretty much skyrocketing these days. i can sew (mostly costumes but hey! i can work the sewing machine!), make decent food, and find joy in cleaning the house now, guys!

gah.. complain complain complain..

in short, i met up with one of the guys from online for coffee and chat, and now i'm just kinda reassessing this whole deal.

*sigh*

let's see how this all goes.

does anyone even read my blog anymore??? do i need to update more frequently, guys?