road blockage

in the path of writing that is.

argh. the little notice on the bottom of the page tells me i'm just starting on the 8th page of this godforsaken paper. by now, you can ask me about HIV infection on the CD4+ t cells and i can tell you with excitement (this including the higher pitch of voice and arm flailing) what i have discovered to be the hell of all hellish hell.

i'm kidding.

the topic in itself is actually very interesting - HIV and AIDS have been the disease i have been pretty interested in since it's still lacking in a complete cure, like the common cold. to have an absolute way to kill you in the most slow and agonizing death is mother nature's utmost cruel punishment, i think.

i have no gripes on the topic itself; i'm just frustrated cus this paper can be so much better if i were to have started earlier like i had planned. i'm such a failure. a failor.

fuuuuuuuuuuuuuogh..

i took a day off from work on wednesday cus the head cold i had acquired during my brief visit home had left me with such a clouded mind that i made atrocious mistakes on monday. the three day rest (tue-thur) was one of the best i have had in the last 3 months. just.. kinda relaxing with taiko people while in my mind i'm somewhat panicking about the paper... the random DS breaks were just what i needed to get my mind off the fact that my sinus cavity was stuffed up like turkey on thanksgiving day.

the summer is about end its glorious chapter and i'm beginning to wonder if i did anything worthwhile..

socially that is.

the internship was a great success; the people i work with are all very amazing and i'm actually kinda appreciated there a little. they asked me to come back to work for them during the fall quarter and i of course accepted graciously; why wouldn't i? it's a great environment.

it just worries me cus this is the last year to redeem my GPA if i ever want to go on studying.. and i kinda want to.. i don't know. *sigh*

anyways.

having a stuffy nose for a week has left me feeling like i've been crying for a while.. even though that hasn't happened since.. i don't know.. banquet? it's been such a long time since i've felt terrible enough to cry. not that that is a bad thing of course! who ever said crying out of the ordinary was ever good? it's just very reminiscent of the year before when i couldn't go a day without bawling my eyes out in the privacy of my room and car. in a way, i kinda miss that. it was a good way to vent. then DS games became my late night addiction in my insomniac days which meant i was red eyed from not sleeping til 6am instead of crying. haha.. what a road to recovery.

i don't exactly know where i'm going with this.

my ipod and itunes been on shuffle and i've been listening to all kinds of songs, like the anime songs i used to go crazy over back in junior high, jpops i loved back in high school, and the love songs i used to fill my head with during first year of college, all the angry and emo rock songs of second year, and just.. a lot of video game soundtracks and asian hip hops of now.. it's like listening to a soundtrack of my life. i depend a lot of music now that i think about it. my emotions ride high and low depending on what songs i listen to, which can be extremely dangerous at times. i don't know about the other people, but every little song carries some kind of memory for me. even in the ridiculous collection of video game ost, i associate all kinds of things. like how every time i hear the ending to a game i've beaten i feel so glorious and all accomplished.. or or when i hear the field theme to an RPG i feel like i'm about to embark on some crazy adventure and get such satisfaction out of it... or when i hear the sad songs from the loss of comrades and i feel like i've lost a friend..

man, i sound kinda crazy right now so i'm going step away from this.

yes, i'm a fucking game nerd. get over it.

ok, enough break. i'm making to the 10th page even if it kills me in the process.