bon voyage.

i don't exactly remember how i felt when i told my new 4th grade class that i wouldn't be joining them that semester cus i was leaving for america the day after our end-of-break-start-of-school year on February of '96. i don't remember what kind of face i was making or what my classmate's were thinking when i wrote my new address down. i don't even remember how i ended that day...

i wonder though, if any of my friends felt sad that i was leaving them, that i would no longer join them for classes or to play during our short recess, or to share or lunch together so that the teacher wouldn't scold us for leaving food in our lunch packs...

all i remember feeling is the excitement for the new future, and at that time no one seemed to matter.

however, seeing it from the other side, it's kinda weird. also makes me glad for the short good-byes because it doesn't give you time to really fully hit you that you'll wake up one morning and the people you've seen just about every other day for 3 years won't be there anymore. some of them might never come back or just exist in the form of written words on some random forum post..

it's an odd feeling.
i can't get over it.

and the guilt i had all evening was dissipated- i had every rights to be there, despite my short stay. whatever, i shouldn't even have a hint of guilt at all. just disappointments? am i disappointed because of the lack of confrontation, the opportunity to test my will power, my sheer force of self-control? i already know i lack both; what i am wishing for anyways, declaration of masochism?


blar. i am tired, and the game of brawl was just about enough to be a night cap. also, i made it home in about an hour and 10 minutes again. i was basically flying really low on the freeway. i think i almost killed myself couple of times.
i'm surprised i haven't killed myself already on the road.
*snortgiggle*

dream last night definitely had its fill of fist fights, cussing, family, and disneyland, which all had some sort of sequential significance. WEIRD. the fighting part was just.. something i'd always wanted to do, but too much of a coward to actually initiate.. at least i was able to do it in my dreams.

the feel of the bloody knuckles was amazing.