betrayed.

i'm desperately waiting for spring. apparently the street for parking at north point is lined with cherry blossom (or at least i'm hoping they are cherry blossom...) and they are just beginning to bloom. they are such cute flowers.. the streets around my house also has the whole tiny white flowered trees, which are different from these sakura trees, but still have tons of snowy flower petals that paints the street white.. as well as my car. spring will be amazing here.

so, what's with the title?
my subconscious either hates me or is playing with me cus i've had some pretty disturbing dreams for the last 3 days/nights. it's not fun when the very thing you're trying to ignore is flaunting its presence in my dreams. UGH i tell you, UGH. i'm SURE it has nothing to do with tomorrow/today. NOTHING AT ALL. OMGI'MGONNABESMOKINGLIKEACHIMNEY. so yes, i'm making an early excuse to why i might be smelling like the rotten korean that i am.

no, i'm not letting it get to me.. it's just that when i look back on it.. it's already been a year.. and i still don't know what i'm dealing with.. a short but good talk with rob the other night was self fulfilling i guess. he, and bunch of others, were telling me how glad they are of me on my "progress" and i can see myself that i am no longer this.. sniveling emo kid anymore.. but the pain and reality really never goes away, you know? so, how can i even really get back up on the road again when i'm still hindered? or.. why should i even bother with it, really??

yeah yeah, happy fucking candy day.

i could be mean and say take a fucking zicam and man it up.. but seriously.. take care of yourself. you're getting sick way too often lately.