ok.. so normally something this trivial shouldn't bother me...
i know i'm not the most feminine girl. i lack the demure personality, i'm loud, i'm brash, i cuss more than your friendly sailor, and i'm belligerent. i don't remember the times when i wasn't such a tomboy. my mother would dress me up in dresses and i'd join the neighborhood boys to go play sword fights. granted, they made me the damsel in distress and that pissed me off.

growing up, i've always had more guy friends.. and i partook in boyish activities (ie: tkd, video games...) i preferred to watch csi instead of the oc, and i was more excited to watch raunchy comedy or sci fi over romantic comedies. my closet lacked girly clothes up until most recently, and it still looks like a guy's closet...

if people didn't know any better, they probably take me for a dyke for god's sake. but i like guys damnit.

i don't know, just the today's event made me really think about how people perceive me. am i TRULY one of the guys? do my actions categorize me as non-dateable, okay-to-hurt-as-long-as-everyone-gets-a-laugh-out-of-it kind of girl? granted i did push the other girl rather hard... but in all honesty the other girls were just as pushy and tackling each other as well.... so how come my action resulted in me getting tackled? and it's not like i can just change myself around right this instance. if i were to start giggling and act like the damsel in distress, i'd elicit odd responses from the people around me. it's a lose lose situation here.

honestly, i'm not saying i'm holding grudges on anyone right now. shoot, i'm not even angry.. it's just that i can't seem to laugh it off like i usually do. i like the way i am.. and to drastically change myself because of one action would be unnecessary...

just....

so since when did everyone start thinking that hurting me was not a big deal??